Saturday, January 28, 2012

First Day With My New Wings

I want to rock the socks off of you World!  

I dream 
of standing center stage, 
one single Soul, 
a reflection of p
ink positive-aura crystals 
flicked off 
my magnificence 
from the strike of 
brilliant rays 
of the unnatural light 
shot right at my core by those 
who now have the privilege 
of showing me 
off to the World...
Who is no longer 
pushing up mountains 
or turning me away 
from the warmth of the sun, 
but instead 
He suddenly cannot help...
rather he is mesmerized 
by the mere little words?
and melodic trances?
that drip...
into little ditties 
that have started to seep 
into the holes 
he hasn't yet fixed 
in himself. 
He sees
that I 
am someone with something 
he can use-
ordering the masses to
open up and and lead me down 
the regulaly restricted 
(to all but few)
But to join the rest of the oppressed 
I'd have to stay dreaming. 
And sometimes, 
dreams just aren't enough, 
I'm really not that big of a person. 
I've been blessed with 
the tiny traits 
that cause me to cower in the 
shadows of those that stand above me. 
Oh no...
do not peer through pitiful eyes
I do have some things
some really big things, 
 hiding inside 
the little: 
big ideas, 
deep soul, 
ever-expanding mind. 
Sometimes the small 
takes over 
and me and my big stuff  
get anchored to the bottom of my 
Soles that never see the light
never show light
the dark soles 
that only seem to work for me
in an emergency
I'm stuck. 
I can't get through the thick crowds, 
shoulder to shoulder 
general admission 
small spaces,
next big thing 
from ever being exposed. 
Truth is, 
even if there was no crowd, 
no roadblock,
no traffic, 
my ideas would probably 
stay within my 
unless someone accidentally happened 
to be watching when one little creative crumblet
abruptly burst out of a fumbled think bubble 
due to mental overload and clear confusion. 
Little critter on the lam 
until some pompous tail feathered frenemy 
takes the opportunity to swipe biggie up in the shadows 
and announce her new 
"next big thing" 
through the harsh acoustics 
of an internationally projected 
public address system. 
"That's mine," 
the near hollow heart cries out from its safe crib inside my chest. 
No other part of me can gather up the guts to grieve against this grime. 
Truth is 
I am missing the male parts 
that would hormonally empower me to puff my pecs
put myself out there 
with the possibility of criticism and laughter?
So together we agree to save our Soul, 
who is still glowing pink 
and singing its sweet little soul ditties. 
Funny thing is...
in real life, 
the same insecurities 
and public anxieties exist, 
yet every day, 
I have to put myself 
on a scaled down version 
of my "only in my dreams"
"Rock-Star Princess" stage 
and find the necessary props 
to perform a 
highly engaging-creative-
state-standard scripted-
song and dance 
entertainment brigade...
Every single day. 
You see, 

have the paramount players club card 
that give me a free pass beyond the velvet ropes
one of my biggest and most weighty things, 
my career as a middle school:
"Inspiration Inducer"
a.k.a. transmitter of talent
a.k.a. facilitator of fact finding
a.k.a. pseudo step-parent for students
a.k.a. dean of drama dysfunction
a.k.a. implementer of ingenious interventions
a.k.a. English Teacher
a.k.a. Ms. McGlone
a.k.a. Mommy-
Personal Shopper-Chef-Maid-Secretary-
Accountant-Launderer-Power of Attorney
Life Coach-Motivational Speaker
Guardian Angel of sorts
to my four fabulous finds 
on off duty hours?
which the job itself clearly has reflective powers because, 
every once in a while,
I just can't seem to get what's wrong. 
questioning my effectiveness
in obtaining the correct access points for this 
very meticulous procedure. 
Then somehow, someway
after weeks of gray days, 
and obvious output from lack of ingested inspiration, 
out of no where, it's like we are in Munchkin Land after the infamous Kansas 
has killed the big bad witch.

So, there it was. My first ever, but certainly not last, fully composed blog. 
I honestly don't know what took me so long, this is the best outlet for my creativity and desire for social connections. This whole world of available outlets has seriously flooded my spare time with distracting glances at the next loaded page on the Safari app open on my iPhone. 
I know I do have a lot to learn, but I do have a lot to offer as well. The biggest motivator for this forced cold water jump, is the fact that ever since I had Colbie, who is now 5 months old, I really haven't used my strong brain side, and, I am starting to sense a little restless activity going on in the penthouse! 
Colbie is pretty new in this photo. She has grown so much!

Jonah and Matty so serious about their hair!
Noah, has always been my little man!
Well, I shouldn't say that, I did work on her Birth Announcements (which were beautiful-but still incomplete), made her thank you cards (didn't finish those yet either), sewed her very first Halloween costume. had a few hundred elaborate and -stop everything we are doing photo-shoots, -I have to capture this cute outfit. You see Colbie is my first girl after three boys, so I am sure you can imagine what fuss is made over her and the new sense of girliness that she has brought into our world. Her brothers are three really, great kids. We are going through a little bit of some kind of transition right now-testing boundaries-leaping limits-doing as much as they can without getting caught- kind of stuff. Well at least that is true for Matty. It used to be super true for Jonah, but he has been pretty pleasant the last couple of months.  Noah is 10, Jonah will be 9 on Monday, and Matty, will be 8 in April. 

 My little stepping stones are sprouting towards  ceiling stature right before my very eyes. So with all of this and another 10 bags of chips going on at the same time, I kind of allowed structure, routine, daily grind, rat race, TGIF-ing things take over my life. Besides the fact that Colbie now resides in what used to be my ultimate create-space. Now to do anything I have to dig out materials. Make room to engage. Deal with distractions and the other normal-keep you away from what you "want" to do stuff.
While going google crazy one day looking for new ways to motivate and intrigue my students, I came across one of many really great sites I have to share.    Smories : A Site Where they have Stories Read Aloud by Little Kids
 The site is so simple, but really inspiring. For those of you who deal with kids, I think you will really find it entertaining. 

After a few hours  of searching school stuff, I started to notice that accross the board, there has been a landfill of new resources just dumped onto the pages of the web. Overwhelmed with all of the yummy exposure, I was overly eager to get to all of the accessible creative minds out there. 

Besides life's daily dilemma's, I figured out that the relationship I had with my computer has been taken over by my relationship with my iPhone. It isn't only that I really haven't dug through the dirt of the super floods of the search engines, I haven't participated in anything browser led internet activities. I had been overly indulged with the simplified access to the App world. 
It's funny how you don't notice your life changing right before your eyes, until your eyes were open to the fact that you actually missed the things you changed.
Sometimes, a little bit of inspiration is all you need.
It did it for me. I got through quite a bit this weekend. Started Pinning on Pintrest (talk about a time eater- Ohhhh myyyy ...that site should've been arrested for armed robbery! I could not...could not get away. Pins would lead me to other pins, would lead me to blogs, which led me to ideas, then the tutorials for the ideas, then something new I've never seen would lead me to Tumblr (which is another whole new world to me)...which would then lead me back to get it. 
So, after occupying multiple browsers on both my laptops and my iPhone fort the last two days, I am pretty satisfied with the amount of inspiration that has flooded my browsers' bookmarks. 
Last night,  I randomly opened this interactive, soul searching book by an actor from "The Office," Rainn Wilson. The book is called Soul Pancake, my mom got it as a free gift when she went to see a taping of the Rachel Ray show. She knew I would really love it, and I do!
So, as a jump start, I randomly opened the book, with Noah sitting in the room with me, and proceeded to work on the suggested "Black Out Poetry" activity. It is pretty much a found poetry activity. You rip out a piece of newspaper, or a magazine, and with a black magic marker (that you did not sniff...heehee silly) you choose a number of words(however many your muse suggests), box them so they stand out, and then proceed to cover the remainder of the paper with Black Magic marker to hide everything but your "Black Out Poem." So as I am getting ready to do this, I notice that Noah had gotten himself a piece of newsprint as well. He was inspired too!! So the two of us completed our poems, and it was actually really nice. I usually don't have the opportunity to discuss the things I do on an empathetic level. And it was a really fun, treasured moment. 
My Black Out Poem

Noah's Black Out Poem

1 comment:

  1. i am a little embarrassed to admit - i was so moved in the middle of that poem that i cried, you have a really unique way with words